After I did my meditation last night I had this strong compulsion to clean out the books that are in the bedroom and that I haven't looked at for ages. I have been slowly clearing out this flat and it feels like it is a reflection of my life. The hardest part is putting the books into the brown boxes ready to take to the charity shop but once they are in the box then I feel a huge sense of freedom.

However one book I rediscovered and which I have been drawn freshly to again is called 'Prelude to Ascension' - Tools for Transformation. It is a channelled text which means that a spirit used a human form to channell information designed to raise the vibration of the human consciousness. The human channel in this case was a lady called Janet McClure. The spirit whom she channelled was the Tibetan Master Djwhal Khul. I don't remember reading much of this book when I first got it. It is written in a very casual and conversational tone.

I had some concerns after writing my blog last night about what I wrote about my addictive bingeing and was wondering whether or not there really is any connection between addiction and spirituality. I started to read a few lines of this book and was amazed when it spoke about the link between addictions, beliefs and the sub-conscious. I quote from page 20 'You must, in a sense free the physical vehicle of all of its addictions before freeing the belief structure - and yet you must free the belief structure before freeing the physical addictions'. So what I wrote is a natural part of the personality but is unacceptable when on a spiritual path which is why so much importance is laid on freeing the consciousness from all addictions no matter what they might be.

Finding this book again is significant for another reason. When I was doing my Reiki 1 training my teacher had cards of all of the Ascended Masters and they were laid face down on the table. We were all asked to choose one. When I turned my card over it was of Djwhal Khul. I had no idea who he was but I remember feeling quite comforted by the fact that it was him. After that I went on to read most of the books that he channelled through Alice Bailey and I always found them easy to read and understand. I see all of them like a story. So it was strange to once again find myself in contact with this Tibetan Master. Yet I have a deep fear of channelling. It's all about control again and I thought that I had given all of that up. I don't want my consciousness to be taken over by a spirit no matter how ascended he or she might be. Yet how can I be open to real and powerful transformation if I want to be in charge all of the time. Transformation happens and I'm not aware of it and so to refuse to be a channell and bring through information from other realms that would change and shift this world is very small of me.

As I write this I am looking at the picture of Janet McClure that is on the back of the book. She left her body in 1990. Is this Tibetan Master looking for another body aagh....I don't want it to be me at least not yet. I don't think I'm ready to set aside my own opinions and views and have the kind of openess and trust that being an effective channel requires. I do find it a bit strange how this has happened again at this time. What I also realised from reading a couple of the chapters is how at home I am with channelled information. I have been so busy with the team management and leadership programme that my spiritual reading has been neglected. I was reminded again last night just how comfortable I am with it all. I felt in sync with the text when it talked about the need for balance of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual and how sometimes one takes over at the expense of the others. I could relate to this in that for so many years my emotions were repressed in favour of the spiritual which led to me being unbalanced. It is always good to have ideas confirmed by texts like these. What I know for sure is that there is only one Truth but infinite ways to that Truth.

I remain positive about what the future is going to hold. Having such an ease and understanding of the transformation that leads to ascension has boosted my confidence in the decision I have made..... My powerful meditations are also offering the same insights....