Monday, 26 January 2009

The clarity that comes.....with integrity

I spent the weekend around the 2nd module of the communication curriculum which is the 'Power to create'. From the weekend I really am taking on the concept that WORD CREATES WORLD. This is the main message from the weekend. Thoughts form the basis of word but it is the generation and expression of words that creates reality. However word without faith is not effective this is why I can say X (meaning anything I want) and X won't happen. It won't happen because of my lack of faith in my power to create X. Yet if I had 100% faith that X would be created then X is what would show up each and every time I declared it. It is my own lack of faith that makes it not so. Space is also necessary in order to create. Creation comes from nothing while there is something there is no space to create. That something is our identity with its numerous points of views, thoughts, judgements, concerns. To give all of this up and end up with a space of nothing is to have the space where anything and everything can be created. But the identity clings fiercely to all of its components and unfortunately most of the time it wins. But ultimately it is a game - a game between 'X 'and 'not X' and in the end the game will be revealed. I don't know any of what I have written to be true, for me it is a place to stand to create a powerful life.
During the weekend I was reminded so many times of the Conversations with God books especially book 1. This book asserts that the big bang created 'X' and 'not X'. In reality everything is X but in order to experience, 'not X' has to be created, but in truth, 'not X' is really X. This is why everything is connected but the 'not X 'quality makes it seem like it is separate and individual. I got this so strongly over the weekend and it deepened my connection to people and my ability to communicate from a space of nothing. I have found today that my memory of yesterday has faded to the point that at each moment I am coming from nothing and creating what is happening in the moment.. To be honest this feels slightly weird in that I am so used to analysing past conversations with people and events and the weekend was filled with stuff that I would usually revisit, but today there really is nothing. Out of this space of nothing I create my possibility which is the possibility of 'bold and fearless self-expression' and from this I create my empowering context which is 'Everyone has it all with freedom and ease'. I then take actions within this possibility and empowering context and it is nothing short of magical what is showing up.

Today was my first day of not working. I woke early and was hit by the fact of no work but then I lay there and thought 'girl, you have integrity for the first time in your life, get up and do some meditation.' I then meditated for 45 mins which flew. Every time it is like this I am amazed because of how tense and difficult it has been in the past. Now when I meditate I have few thoughts and can reach a depth of relaxation, peace, joy and calm which means that I now look forward to my meditation instead of dreading it in the way that I used to. I then made a plan for how I would spend the day and at the end of this my first day I can't belive just how much I achieved today with such freedom and ease. It is like having integrity gave me a clarity and focus that had been lacking when I was working in a job in which I had no integrity. All of my conversations today flowed and created results. I could see how I was totally coming from nothing when I was speaking and I was able to be with whatever was said to me. I had to go to the recycling centre a few times today and each time I went I had such friendly banter with the guys who were working there.

This evening I started to clean out my filing cabinet which is full of past writings which I have done. I started to read some articles I had written about Buddhism and spiritual awakening and had an uncomfortable thought that I appeared to be a better writer back then. I seemed to be more able to let myself go and write than I am at present. I think there is fear of really letting go and writing instead of stopping after a couple of sentences and then going back to edit it. In the past I seemed to be able to just write and write and write.... I found a book proposal which I had put together and sent off to a number of publishers a few years ago called 'right-brained woman living in a left-brained world' and then found all the letters rejecting the manuscript. In spite of all this I am still at this crazy or is there something bigger than me driving me on. It feels like the latter these days. It feels like the peace, ease and calmness I am experiencing is in me but not of me....if that makes any sense.

One thing which all of the letters I received from the publishers had in common was that they said that my writing was related only to me and therefore not of wide interest or application. I have taken that on and in the time I spent delving into the bowels of my filing cabinet I found an extract from Shantanand Saraswati 'Good Company'. I don't know where this excerpt has been taken from but when I found it, it resonated with me as a very good summary of the stages of the spiritual path.

'It can be looked at in this way: a human being has three rooms. The first is Sattvic where peace and light prevail. The Sattvic person is centred here though he uses all the other rooms. He moves into the second for his daily work but he's still conscious of the light. He uses the lowest room of Tamas for sleep. Here there is no light but whenever he gets up he moves into the other rooms.

The man of Rajas is centred in the second room. He has no direct knowledge of the first room, but he has some idea of it.

The man of Tamas lives entirely in the third room, and for him the other two do not exist. They are neither cleaned or looked after, and eventually fall into decay. It is important to use all three'.

The state of Tamas referred to above can be likened to the materialistic state where the consciousness is totally concerned with the material. As we approach 2012 the consciousness is less and less in this state. The world-wide recession has caused the consciousness to shift to the degree that some awareness of the result of greed has impacted and in that impact the consciousness has shifted. Rajas is the state of doing - but it is a doing that is inside of a wider context. I am 'doing' in that I am writing this blog but I'm always conscious of the other dimension. The path of spiritual development is the shift of consciousness from Tamas, to Rajas to Sattva. If I am going to be so arrogant and relate these stages to my own development I would say that I veer between Tamas and Rajas with glimpses of Sattva with my thoughts! but that my being is in the main Sattvic.

For me to be taken seriously as an authentic writer on the area of spiritual development I think I must find more of the writings from established mystics and saints and expand on these writings. Me waxing lyrical about what I think without referring to recognised and accepted spiritual wisdom doesn't give my words the power they would if they referenced ancient spiritual writings. In my future blogs I will take this on.

Now I'm going to do my nightly 45 mins meditation.....

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