Saturday, 17 January 2009

Rapidly approaching....the end of things familiar...

I am writing this blog entry from my gym. Writing when and where I can is something that I am going to have to get used to and be flexible with. For years my blog is something I write from the comfort of my flat and in silence so that I can think and focus. In a couple of weeks that is all going to change. I still remain very calm with all of this change. I was at work until 10pm on Thursday night to get things cleared and hand-over notes written and I am amazed at the clarity I now have around my job. Ways of doing things that I just couldn't see when I had it that this was always going to be my job for life are now showing themselves. It is ironic that it is only when I handed my notice in that I suddenly see how to do the job much more efficiently and effectively.

Next weekend there is a Power To Create course which I want to be around. I had a dilemma about this because a guy I used to see a while ago and who was married is coming over to do the course. We lost contact a while ago when I saw that me continuing to be with him had no integrity given the agreement of his marriage vows. We agreed not to have any contact for 6 months. After those 6 months we had email contact where he told me that his marriage had completely broken down and that communication and relations with his wife were at an all time low. I am a stand and committed to what is possible from the distinctions from what is called a new model of communication, one that is based on responsibility, generosity and integrity and not on fixing, changing, or surviving. I spoke to him about this and what would be possible from him at least having a choice at any time to use the distinctions of an old or new model and he listened and did the first course of the communication curriculum in a country outside of the UK.

When he was doing this first course he called me to say how much he was getting from it and he could see where he had been making his wife wrong and that what he was seeing about how he has been communicating was powerful. He then said that he wanted to do the 2nd part of the curriculum in London. I said OK and said that he could stay with me. This was before I had decided to leave London and live in Brighton and before I got closer with the guy from the gym. Even though my relationship with the guy from the gym is casual without any commitment from either of us, I still wouldn't feel comfortable with this man staying here given what we were for each other in the past. I called him and explained about all of the changes I was trying to manage that that it isn't a good idea for him now to stay with me to do the course. He was upset and gave me a lecture on giving my word and now going back on it. The conversation didn't end very positively.

That course is next weekend and I want to be around it. It is the most powerful of the courses and is the 'power to create'. What this means is that I say X and X happens. I see this everywhere, in that I said 'I will go to Brighton and train to be a journalist and this is exactly what is happening'. However in order to create, there has to be a space of nothing. I am on the team management and leadership programme which means I and whoever else is going to be around the course are the clearing for those participants who come to get the course. To someone unfamiliar with the concepts of space and clearing what I am about to write may sound a bit weird or bizarre but bear with me.

In order to create, there must be a space in which there is nothing. At the moment what is in my clearing is resentment against this guy for piling on even more pressure by wanting to stay here with me and I am and making him wrong for doing this. In this clearing, no creation is possible. In order for me to create space in my clearing I had to have a conversation with him. I called him last night and was straight about my wish to be around the course and clear that if he had any thing that was incomplete with me that the course wouldn't be powerful for either of us. He was straight back saying that he bears no animosity towards me for not being able to keep my word and he understands the pressure that I am under. He said he is also under pressure as he tries to find his way through what is becoming an increasingly acrimonious divorce. That there was nothing to worry about, he would find a hotel and was looking forward to the weekend.

I thanked him for his generosity to me and when I hung up I felt this unbelievable lightness and I know that now there is a clearing and a space from which to create powerfully. The more of this training I do the more powerful I become in my conversations at speaking by coming from nothing. Speaking from a space where there is nothing in it. After the phone call I got into action around all the clutter in my flat. Here is another example of making the space for creation. With every black bin bag I throw out I feel lighter and clearer in my mind. The last thing I did before going to bed was to do 45 minutes meditation which went so quickly. I had an image of Dwjal Khul at one point but I didn't dwell on it or make it mean anything, I just smiled, let it go and entered once again into the place of nothing.

I've just had a call from a letting agent who is bringing someone around to view the walking home I am going to create that it's the ideal flat for these people.....

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