Thursday, 22 January 2009

Last day of work after 7 years......

I lay in bed this morning awake and meditating. It's hard to believe that after 7 years of working where I have been that it is now the final morning of the final day. Yesterday I had a farewell lunchtime drink in the local pub and I couldn't believe it when about 30 people showed up. At one point I looked around me and had the thought 'they have all come out for me' and the feeling of love and connection I felt to everyone was so overwhelming. I also had a couple of lagers which made me sentimental so that when 2 people came up to give me a hug I very nearly broke down. I don't like to breakdown but I also understand that showing vulnerability far from being a sign of weakness is a sign of strength.

I spoke freely and openly about my dream of having my own spiritual magazine in the future and it allowed the others to feel free to speak about things that weren't work related. I welcomed this because all too often these kinds of events turn out to be an extension of the office and I didn't want my farewell lunch to be like that. I wanted it to be an event which would in some small way awaken people to their greatness and to their higher purpose in life. If I had a penny for everyone who told me 'how brave I was in doing what I am doing' yesterday I would have been able to buy a round of drinks! How can I explain this inner drive that seems to be stronger than me but that I am clear is of my creation. This drive is none other than my Soul that now finally after 7 years of gentle coaxing to go and take a risk to live my dream has now got free of its chains and is pushing like never before.

When I returned to the office I felt down. No matter how much clarity and confidence one has in the direction he/she takes in life, to leave a safe and secure job in the current climate to go deep into an uncertain world is unsettling and so it was for me. At one point I had my head down and I had a thought that said 'look out of the window'. When I looked up and out I saw the most striking, brilliant and beautiful double rainbow. It was most beautiful and radiant and it immediately lifted my consciousness so that it became totally absorbed in the beauty of what it was connecting with. In that moment there was nothing except the connection with the rainbow and from it I felt a deep inner reassurance. Sometimes I get so frustrated that the words do not do justice to the depth and power of experiences like these. The shifts in my consciousness that occur from experiences like this do not lend themselves to words and yet if I don't try to write something of the experience how are people going to know and experience such shifts for themselves. This is why I try to write albeit it clumsily about the power of what for me was a mystical experience.

I saw the presence of the rainbow with its separate colours so bright and vivid as a direct message to me. I know that this is my ego interpreting it like this, it was there for everyone who had eyes to see it in London yesterday but I felt that it was there to lift my spirits which had been a little low. For me it was the best farewell gift I could have been given. The great thing about seeing a scene is that it can always be recreated and re-experienced. The brain does not know the difference between something that is physically visible and something I see in my imagination, the same bodily results happen. This is why thinking and re-living a stressful event is the same to the brain as the event happening again right now and it instructs the body to behave how it does when dealing with stress. This is why the concept of forgiving and forgetting is so important. With forgiveness and forgetting there is no recreating of stressful events that put a strain on the body.

It is the same with positive affirmations or keeping a powerful context for everything we do. That powerful context and associated feelings fool the brain into thinking it is now and it responds accordingly. I know that seeing the rainbow yesterday gave me a deep sense of peace, bliss, calm and security. Over the next months I can recreate that scene and the brain will respond. It is not the brain that realises that it is only my is the 10% of brain which is the mind that knows the difference. It is the mind and not the brain that can tell the difference between a rainbow I see with my eyes and a rainbow I see with my imagination.

So today is my last day at work. I know that my boss is going to give some kind of speech and everyone is going to stand around but I feel nothing but joy, love and gratitude for each person who will come to say goodbye today. I was saying to people yesterday that it will be interesting to see where I am in 6 months time and compare my thoughts to this my last day and how I am creating the future to be and how it is actually going to be. If I have integrity and am true to myself and others then there will be no difference between the future I am creating and how that future will actually be.....however it all depends on me, keeping my word and having a powerful vision present always for why I am doing what I am doing. The moment either of these identity will drag me back to being small, separate, alone and afraid........

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