Feel the fear.....and do it anyway.....

On Saturday my flat was let. Now it is really hitting home that I am leaving my cosy world of certainty to enter into a world that is uncertain and unstructured. These days I am a living example of the title of the book 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'. This is how I spent most of the weekend, feeling the fear of giving all of my books away to charity but doing it anyway. Feeling the fear which my thoughts were causing me and recognising that these are just my thoughts, they have no reality only what I give to them, recognising this and moving beyond.

Yesterday was also my last Sunday morning at the gym and it was sad saying goodbye to everyone. Walking home I pondered on what is this inner drive that is so strong at the moment that it is pushing me through the fear I am experiencing. I came home and set to sorting out this flat with intentionality. As you can imagine from living here alone for 9 years I have an awful lot of stuff. I thought that I would really miss my books but surprisingly I don't. The only one's I just couldn't give away at least not yet are the Alice Bailey books that have been channelled by the Tibetan Master Dwjal Khul. I am loathe to give these away. A friend has told me that I can store some of my things in her flat so these books are going to be among them.

Being able to be with any communication and not react is a firm foundation for power. I went out on Saturday night with a friend and her friend. I don't drink wine when I go out for an evening because I find it too strong. My friend and her friend had wine and I had a lager. Both of these people have bought my book. Towards the end of the evening the friend of my friend said 'I don't think your book is going to be a good seller', she continued 'and you also repeat yourself and say the same thing a number of different times'. To my amazement I didn't react at all. I recreated what she said and got her concern that the book won't sell well, and by doing this my reaction was one of interest and an openness to hear what she had to say instead of shutting down and protecting and defending the book. This is the power of the distinction recreation which is part of the power to create course which I am going to be around this weekend. To be with any communication whether this is accolades or criticism and not react is to create a space out of which comes power and clarity.

I assert another reason for what I could have seen as attack. The book is clear about the 2 aspects that there are to ourselves as humans. One aspect is the identity and the other is the soul. Before being brought to awareness the identity runs everything and the gentle murmurings of the soul are not at a high enough vibration to enter into consciousness. Once a level of awareness comes into consciousness then it weakens the identity slightly. I saw the comments made to me as the identity under attack because it perceives a shift and a loss of power. This is just an assertion on my part I do not know it to be true. I do know that attack of any kind is always by the identity and comes from a fear of being threatened. When I go beyond the appearance and look to the source all I feel is compassion.

A couple of years ago I joined the spiritual cinema circle and watched their films which are all on the same thing of looking beyond appearances. I was putting the films together to give to a friend who I know will appreciate them and will look after them for me until I can have them again and I came across one called 'Living luminaries, on the serious business of being happy'. The DVD has interviews with the great and the good in the spiritual world, Marianne Williamson, Eckhart Tolle, Michael Beckwith and all spoke about the transformation that happens when we become free of our thoughts. Listening to these people speak on the DVD last night was inspiring for me and it gave me a lift and re-inforced again that even though sometimes I am terrified about what the next few months are going to bring that this is my soul wanting to live its purpose through me. I can see myself watching this DVD a couple of more times before I leave London.

All of the people on this DVD have something but none of them got it without courage. It is now my time to show courage.......

It's my last week at work. Today I am going to the computer shop to have this laptop fitted with a wirleless card so that I can write anywhere there is a wi-fi connection. It will be something else done. My biggest headache at the moment is clearing this flat out for the new people coming in. Today I have to go to the letting agents and sign the leasing contract. On the DVD last night one of the things that was said was that 'we create our experience of the world'. What struck me was creating our experience, not creating the world. I am creating the experience of leaving my flat and job and going to live in a different city, this is not the world, just my experience of it....hm..tantalising insight.....that I am going to ponder on some more.