I have found that now whether it is because of understanding the power of integrity and being my word and also being authentic in terms of saying what is on my mind honestly and openly, I find that if I violate it that the universe comes down very hard on me. It is like I am so far advanced on this path now that any slippage is hammered on fast. This is OK for me, because it acts as a pointer for me about the danger of becoming complacent. I had a drama one morning last week when I thought that I had gone to bed and left the keys in the front door. I searched my room for them when I wanted to go out the next morning and they were nowhere to be found. I always left them on the desk and sought them out with my eyes before I went to sleep. This night I didn't do that. The next morning I had a phone call which didn't go very well in that I was annoyed at something the person had said to me which was meant to be a contribution but which I didn't take very well. Rather than being straight and saying what was on my mind I found myself taking pot shots at his personality and pretending that it was because I wanted to be a contribution.
After the phone call I was over and got ready to go to the gym and then couldn't find the keys. I searched and very slowly went downstairs to explain to the landlady my theory about having left the keys in the door. As you can imagine she wasn't best pleased and we had a tense 10 minutes talking about options in terms of getting a locksmith and having the locks changed and how much it was going to cost me. I went back upstairs more stressed in those few minutes than I have been with all the moves I have had since the start of the year. I turned my desk upside down and then discovered that the drawer of the desk was a tiny bit open and lo and behold the keys had fallen down. Triumphant and relieved beyond belief I darted downstairs to tell a very relieved landlady. I returned back upstairs and at this stage definitely felt the need to go to the gym! Walking to the gym I revisited the conversation I had had earlier with the man who had tried to be a contribution and I saw that I wasn't able to be with his contribution to me which is why I had found a way to find fault with him and call it a contribution. I saw this so clearly and I know that there is no cause and effect in the world, things happen in life, just because they happen but on this occasion the fiasco with the keys which is something that never happens to me was there for me to look at where I hadn't been authentic and it was that enquiry which let me see how nasty I was to someone who just wanted to contribute to me.
This is another element of the identity that hates any idea of connection and unity. It's raison d'etre is all about separation and competition and so any efforts on the part of another to contribute are not openly welcome in spite of appearances to the contrary. As human beings we talk a good game about being connected and related but the truth is that our identity has no interest in operating like this. To operate like this would be for the identity to no longer exist. But it takes vigilance to see this operating. Without being arrogant I am now at a high level in this game and as a result lack of vigilance by me where my identity clouds my self-awareness are hammered quickly. I have learned that when something like an incident with the keys happens that there is something for me to look at. When we are living with integrity and being authentic things out there in the universe work. Most of the battles I have are within my own head, out there in the universe in terms of getting to places on time and having life work everything flows each and every day. The battles in my mind will continue until the day I die because I am a human being and mind with its thoughts is part of the fundamental design of human being. But that doesn't mean that I have to give these thoughts any importance, there are just products of the mind, like the eye has sight and seeing objects as a product and the the ear has hearing as a product, the mind has thoughts.
My training is that once I have unconcealed somewhere where I have been pretending is to clean it up to restore myself to power. This involved calling this person and being vulnerable and honest and telling him what had really been going on in the conversation we had. To his credit he was amazing and said that he had taken what I said to be a great contribution. On this occasion his identity was more generous than mine! After the phone call I felt so different by being honest about where we have been pretending, the energy that was frozen in the pretence is then released. After this I went on to have an amazing day. I have sent my first advertisement of my services as a spiritual coach/counsellor to the monthly magazine and the first issue comes out on 8 January. I found that I was more in action than I have been for a long time after having this conversation which to be honest my identity did not want to have at all. My identity wanted to push it under the carpet and not deal with it but to do this is not to honour my word and what I am here to do.....
I really believe that it is only by an indepth study of ontology which is the study of human being that the consciousness is going to escape from the identity to be able to move to the next level. I don't know how the universal shift of consciousness is going to come about. I had thought it might be through swine flu but that has turned out to be milder than anyone had predicted. But something is for sure....and that is that there are big shifts happening.....
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