Instead of waiting until after the weekend to send an email to the online freelance journalism site requesting progress on my article I sent one early afternoon. I didn't want to do anything yesterday except lie in bed but I forced myself out to the gym and once again was very lucky in that there was a bike available due to someone having booked and then not turning up. This time I chose a bike where I had a view out of the window and that made such a difference. I felt so connected to something so kind and strong and also much nearer to me than I have felt before. Whatever this energy is it is definitely becoming more visible...at least to me.
I came home feeling so much better and then called a friend who has been very good to me in the past and shared with her what I was up to. Again the conversation flowed and was great. It is so great for me to compare the quality of my conversations with my friends now compared to what they were in the past. It's like I really hear what they are are saying to me now. I know that this blog is labouring this point but I feel such freedom since I realised what it was that was causing me to feel tense around adults. I've started to receive comments again to my posts and I have suggested that the only thing that is going to shift the consciousness from mind to no-mind is sharing about our experiences not talking about mental concepts. Sharing experiences is something that the mind doesn't understand because it is not the mind that experiences it is the consciousness. This is why the sharing of experiences is resisted by the mind. But it is only by sharing that we will realise the common unity that underlies the illusion of separation.
I have also suggested this as a way of discerning genuine teachers from those who are clever intellectually with regard to mind spirituality. This is in no way meant to be a criticism because deep down, in the heart of everyone is the desire to be happy. For many money has been equated with such happiness and by having elaborate websites which have video footage that pan retreats showing lots of people present there is a danger that the image masks scrutiny over the substance. I am bombarded these days by emails inviting me to this webinair or that about making huge amounts of money and this is just what it seems to be about. It seems to me to have gone crazy and makes it difficult for people to focus on one thing or maybe that is just me because I have so much stuff being thrown at me at the moment.
Just a few mintues ago I received feedback on my article....aagh...it's like I never did a journalism qualification. There is definitely some block on my performance and doing things thoroughly and completely. It's like a fear of doing anything too well but this is ridiculous but in the feedback I see that I just rattled something off quickly, didn't check it properly and then I'm surprised when it comes back as not ready to publish. What is this fear of mine I have around doing something to the best of my ability. I always know after I have done something that I could have done whatever it is better but I have no idea of what it is that is limiting me. Perhaps over this weekend I will have a realization into this as the weekend is all about performance and what it means to perform effectively. I will leave tweaking my article until after the weekend. It means I have less time available to write the other nine articles that are part of each three month contract. Sometimes I would love to be less heavy and write about frivolous things like how to have a pleasant shopping trip or what to put on your hair for it to be healthy. Instead I torture myself writing articles that are so abstract for people. Very few people will put intuition into a search engine. Why? because it doesn't really have any practical purpose for people in life. People are busy enough looking on the internet for tips to make their life easier they are not going to surf for abstract concepts. This is so sad but I understand it is the way life is today and I have also to adapt.
It is going to be a challenge for me to write about the spiritual in a way which is easy and engaging given how complex this area has been in the past. The closest I can get to the way I would like to write and topics I would like to cover is the magazine 'Psychologies' I really like this magazine and as an investment into my online freelance journalism will take out a subscription for a year as it works out cheaper than buying the edition each month. It will also give me lots of ideas for articles which I can then make my own for this Canadian website. I have been impressed by the feedback which has been given to me.
To end this post....I am convinced that it is only by us opening ourselves up and being vulnerable and sharing ourselves and our experiences that the shift of consciousness which is trying to happen is going to happen easily and effortlessly. For too long the mind has held sway with its focus on lofty concepts and intellectual navel gazing it is now time to shift the balance.....we confuse intelligence and intellect....at our peril.
