Thursday, 10 December 2009

The insights....come thick and fast....but does the action

What is happening to me at the moment is like a house of cards that is falling down. The house of cards is my constructed identity which slowly but surely is falling away. I have realized the decisions I made when I was a young girl that have given me the kind of life that I have. Being able to see failure now in terms of performance and not of my being has lifted the lid of what is possible for me. I see all of my past failures that I had attributed to me as a person being solely about performance, I hadn't taken the actions necessary to bring about a certain result. Now my life is all about action and performance and as a result I have been more in action today than I have for the past two weeks. I can finally be unreasonable for things I believe in and human beings becoming aware of their constructed identity is a non-negotiable mission for me. I have a quiet determination to do whatever it takes for however long I am here on this earth to bring this about. I have on my side the authenticity of being able to speak and write from my own experience which should give me the credibility necessary for people to view me as someone who knows what she is talking about.

And now that everything is solely about performance there is no limit to what I am going to achieve. I was speaking with the editor of Wellbeing magazine and have lined up articles which are going to go on the website/magazine. When I worked for the magazine I left her a copy of my book but she had never mentioned it when we spoke. Today she told me that she is halfway through reading it and will be writing a review which I was thrilled about because I had forgotten that I had given her a copy. Then in January I will begin my business as a spiritual coach and counsellor without any apologies to anyone. I have hidden my light and my power for too long and now is the time to speak and be visible. There is a saying 'those who know...don't speak and those who speak....don't know. But I think that it is time to reverse that. For those who know and are not speak and for those who speak but do not know to shut up and listen.

I know that I am going to have challenges with being as direct as I now am because comments to my posts on this blog and other social networking sites have dried up but all there is for me to do is to keep going. As I write this I hear the words of Nelson Mandela that he made in his 1994 inaugural speech in my mind 'your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you'. And this is what I have done for years but up until now it couldn't have been any other way. It couldn't have been any other way because my identity held two trump cards which were always going to keep me stuck. One was a fear or adults and the other was attributing all of my failures to me as a person, failure was an attack on my fundamental being. With those two aspects transformed I have a vision and a goal and for the first time the confidence that I can get there. My mantra from here on in's not about me but about my performance, constantly looking for what is missing that if I put it in would make a difference in every thing I do and take it to the next level. And where I can't identify what is missing to go out and ask people and to take what I get...this is the beginning of freedom.....

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