Thursday, 24 December 2009

The last post before Christmas....thank you to all of my loyal readers

Well this is my last blog entry for this year and what is more important for me is to begin it by thanking each and everyone of my readers who have stayed loyal to me and this blog throughout 2009. I wish you all a very happy festive season. When I look back over this year it has been such a rollercoaster. So much change and yet in other ways nothing has changed at all. I am still committed to having this blog be a spiritual blog but for next year it has to be more expansive and outward looking. I am still commited to it being a blog that demonstrates a process and is not about me as a person because it is the process and not the personality that is important.

I believe passionately that what runs the show when we are adults are the decisions that we made when we were upset children. I have now returned to be with my family in Ireland and the difference in how I am with people now is magical. I see how it was an upset five year old who was running the show all the years. This is the first Christmas that I am mentally and emotionally at my biological age. Friends are confiding things in me that they have never done before. What has been more fascinating for me though is how I have changed in how I relate to my nieces. I have declared that I am going to be a leader for children and young people and that hasn't changed but in the past my way of communicating with young people was to ingratiate myself with them and want to be their friend...of course I would I was only five. is so different. I relate to them as the adult I am now but still with an awareness of what it is like in their world and this is just amazing to me. I have nieces who have been used to calling on me and me dropping everything to do whatever it is they wanted and sometimes I am so ashamed to write this but it wasn't good but the five year old I was couldn't see the harm I was doing and so I wanted to be liked but I genuinely couldn't see any of this. I couldn't understand the frustration towards me of my mum and sister-in-law. Now after all these years I understand what my brother meant when he looked at me one year and said 'you have no idea what you're like do you'. Now I see it all so clearly.

I also think back in shame to last Christmas when my dad was taken into hospital two days before Christmas and all I was concerned about was that I wouldn't be going up to my uncles house on Christmas morning which has been a tradition for as long as I can remember. This has always been the happiest part of Christmas for me and so when my mum was upset about dad being in hospital, I wasn't there for her. I threw a massive tantrum about not going up to my uncles. When I think of it is totally disgusting but it was all operating beneath my consciousness. I am going into detail about this now because this is my final blog post for 2009 and I want to complete everything about the way I was in the past and to really experience the impact of what this thinking and behaviour that was so hidden from my view had on those around me so that I will never be related to in that way either me to me or others to me. I am a bold leader, not a unpredictable five year old.

The other reason I am labouring something that has already been written about is to point out that I am not alone in what I did. It is what we do as human beings. I assert that the reason why there are so many family fights at Christmas is because people revert to type and operate at whatever age they got stuck at. What becomes so strong at Christmas is people being right about how they view each other. It is this human obsession with being right as opposed to being happy which is responsible for so much unhappiness. My deepest desire for 2010 is that some force will operate where people will genuinely see that all views are just that, views, they are not the truth just opinions, judgements and veiws.

The greatest shock I got this year was to hear that the famous spiritual and motivational teacher Wayne Dyer has leukaemia. I listened to a tape recording of an interview that he did and he spoke about the forces that become activated when you enter the spiritual path consciously. I have been thinking about why is it that so many spiritual teachers succumb to these kind of illnesses and I can't get away from the fact that most of them operate in stage 3 of my spiritual awakening model which is the state of bliss and union but what is happening in reality is that the forces of unconcealed drivers are operating unhindered. To think that one can reside permeanently in sat, chit, ananda, peace, joy and bliss without going through the fire of unconcealing all that has been hidden is complete fallacy. I may live to regret writing these words but can't shake the assertion that it is the refusal to do as Socrates said and 'know thyself' which is the cause of many diseases.

I am going to end this blog entry by once again outlining how I think the process works and then it is finished for me. My blog posts for next year are never going to bring this up again but are going to be about going forward. This is how I assert that the consciousness of human beings gets stuck and it can get stuck at any age. Once it becomes frozen at that point then anything that is put on top of it is like putting icing on a mud pie. A traumatic event for me which happened when I was five and which shocked me beyond anything I had experienced up to that point was so shocking that I became stuck at that age. From that point on I grew physically but not mentally or emotionally. Why it has been like that for me - I have no answers for. What I want readers of this blog to take from it is the importance of unconcealing that which is hidden so that we can be both creators and masters of our life. What I have now is mastery. I have an ease, joy and freedom with everyone and in all situations which I have never had before. I look at people and it is like I see everyone for the first time. There is nothing in the way.

When I say 'nothing' what I mean is fear. What was there for me before was a fear for my safety, with that there first there wasn't room for anything else. There is now absolutely no fear and in its place is love, connection and relatedness. I assert that this is the fundamental fear that we as human beings have.....the fear of each other.

So on this Christmas Eve I wish all a very happy Christmas.

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