Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Life is speeding up....

As days at work go today was a good day. I wasn't hungover for starters. On Sunday evening the guy from the gym came here and we watched a DVD and drank lots of wine. I had told him earlier in the day about my concerns about having mild Asperger's and he just saw it as being different and nothing to worry about. He brought over the DVD called Happy Feet. This is about a penguin who is born differently and who throughout his life continues to be different. It was a very moving story. One thing I took from it is that to be different is to pay a price. The frustrating thing for me is is that I have never wanted to be different, all I have ever wanted to do was to belong.

There is something that happens when the mind genuinely shifts. Because I feel like I could be on the autistic spectrum 'somewhere' I totally put out of my head any possibility of a romantic relationship. I finally realised that the reason they are so difficult is because I am going against the grain of my nature by trying to make something happen that is not meant for me. This shift in how I saw myself meant that I had a totally different way of being with the guy from the gym. There was an ease that comes with enjoying something without wanting anything else. It was this relaxedness which enabled me to be honest and ended up in him coming over with the DVD. He left afterwards with a cheery 'I'll call you'. It was a great evening.

After he left my mind started up again with its relentless thoughts. When 'call, what does this mean blah..blah..blah....This is the truth about how calm and stable the mind really is. My mind was far from calm and stable. When we don't engage with life and do like I did for many years just immerse yourself in books then it's easy for the mind to be calm and for the consciousness to think that it's come a long way. Then a normal engagement with life happens and all of a sudden what was a calm mind is suddenly full of turmoil. But this is life and the spiritual path is learning to BE OK with this turmoil. They are just thoughts, products of the mind, they will come and go. Sometimes there will be lots of them, sometimes not so many.

I have always found it interesting that Buddhists see the mind as the sixth sense organ. The other five being Eye and sight, Ear and hearing, Tongue-taste, Touch-feeling, Nose-smell. To these is added Mind-thoughts. And like we accept what we see without questioning or analysing we should do the same with thoughts. They are there in the mind as the products of a sense organ and should not be over analysed or used to motivate behaviour. If we look at the mind in this way then thoughts don't seem to have the power they have when we see thoughts as real and part of us. It is another way of achieving the detachment that is necessary for spiritual awakening.

I am really looking forward to the consciousness training that I am going to be doing with Manuel today. Consciousness is the highest level of functioning that we can achieve as humans and I am going to spend the day with someone I trust and can learn from. In his promotional literature for the training he says something that I have found interesting. He says 'In trying to understand our human processes one has to deal not with the thoughts but with consciousness itself'. This resonates with me but I don't know why. Manuel also reads auras because he is a mystic as well as a neuroscientist and psychiatrist with over 30 years experience so if anybody can tell me whether I am somewhere on the autistic spectrum he can, so today I expect to have some kind of an answer to this seemingly unsolvable puzzle.

So life is speeding up...in the best possible way. Once again I have an energy for life and for writing this blog. The message for the spiritual journey is simple and consistent. Know yourself and treat others as you would like to be treated. It doesn't matter how many spiritual books I read the message is always this. There is no separation between myself and others and the spiritual journey is the ultimate realization through experience of this Truth. There is nothing more than this. It's not about having visits from the ascended Masters or the angels but about bringing into conscousness a deep inner knowing that has been forgotten.

Now....I'm off to the gym to once again lose myself in the music and cycling motion of the bike and make the hour and a half that I will do this a meditation.....

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