Saturday, 3 November 2007

When the universe responds...

I wrote my blog last night so I didn't set my mobile alarm clock this morning. I woke naturally and got ready for the day. My new washing machine was being delivered and it was going to be tight between the machine coming and being installed and me getting to Euston in time for my agreement. I need not have worried because the guy brought the machine at the time he said he would. There were some anxious moments as he had to get the old one down one flight of stairs and get the other one up. I asked a neighbour early in the morning if he could give a hand but he had recently hurt his back and didn't want to risk it which I totally understood.

I don't know how he did it but this not very big guy managed to do everything on his own. I was so grateful that when I gave him the cheque I also gave him a bottle of wine. His delight because it was unexpected did its usual magic in opening and expanding my own heart. There is something so rewarding about doing something unexpected and totally unconditional for another. I set off for my assisting agreement. I had a few moments to spare and checked my mobile to find a text message from my niece. From its contents I knew that she was reading the blog and wasn't happy with some of the references to my neices. The text troubled me. I love my neices and nephew so much and I would never do anything to embarass, hurt or offend them. I was thinking about her text and what it meant. and also how to respond and was in a dilemma. As always when I'm not sure what to do I ask the universe for a sign.

I was walking to the centre. There was was a council worker who was cleaning the street. He stopped me to say how much he liked the chain I was wearing around my neck. I smiled at him, not because of what he said, but because I took it as a sign from the universe that to continue to write this blog is the correct thing to do. When I smiled he said 'and you are also lovely'! This was so amazing and with a heart much lighter and happier I went into do my three and a half hour agreement. I acknowledge that some of what I write might be controversial. What I will say is what I said in my text back to my niece. Nobody is forced to read this blog. Everyone has a choice as to whether to read it or not. Whether one, none or 100 people read it is irrelevant to me. I will continue to write it. I won't use names because it is not necessary for this blog. I am only interested in demonstrating general prinicples. I won't do this by identifying individuals.

My agreement today began with an hours of intensive training which left me exhausted. The whole point of the training is to show me what a difference I can make in the world. I do this by sharing myself and allowing myself to be vulnerable. This was a different challenge for me because I tend to speak from a theoretical point of view. From this training I learned that it is not about me and about how good or not I feel when I am speaking to someone on the phone. It is completely about the person I am speaking to. To give them the safety to speak honestly and also for me to listen more so that I can pick up on issues and explore them. This agreement is confronting and a challenge for me. But it is what I am taking on to play the game that I have committed myself to which is to make a difference in the world no matter what the cost to my ego personality. To play the game my soul is demanding....

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