I found myself waking up with the memory of the 3 energy streams that I had learnt from the consciousness raising training I had done with Manuel. The stream of sadness which goes from the base of the spine to the heart seemed to be strongest. I felt a little frustration that my memory of the direction of the fear stream was not strong and I didn't remember how that flow went. I intended to go to the gym but it seemed more important to write this blog and to put everything that I did into it.
I had the morning off because I had both a dentist and a doctor's appointment and decided that taking the morning off as leave would be the best. My mind was a bit vacant as I tried to decide where to park and I found myself taking a couple of wrong turns before I got to where I wanted to. This was strange because it is my local area which I know very well. Parked up and went into the dentist. I'm having treatment to try to prevent gum disease. It involves implanting a anti-bacterial perio chip deep within a tooth. There's no guarantee that it's going to work. I was delighted when the dentist said that it was working and that he was very pleased. So was I but then again why did I ever doubt that it wouldn't. The body will follow the mind and when the mind is calm, the body follows. It still obeys the law of old age and dying but in terms of physical health, there is no reason for illness when there is no energy frozen in the consciousness.
After the dentist I waited for the doctor. It was as I thought. When I explained that a referral to the centre from the GP would cost the Primary Care Trust over £1700 the answer was that it was not a justifiable use of money which I totally agreed with. The doctor told me that she had spoken to a number of people about this and the view was the same. If I had any symptoms of Asperger's that I would not have been able to get to where I am today even if that world is now beginning to crumble.
I spoke with her about the Landmark programmes and like me she saw these as the most powerful courses I could be doing. It was quite funny because she has asked me to come back to her after I have finished my seminar with a short list of how I have benefited so she can begin to look at the possibility of referrals there. I was delighted to hear this because I am a stand for what these programmes make possible in terms of expansions of consciousness. I had parked the car at work after the dentist and walked down to the doctor. It was a bitterly cold day and I knew that I was going after work to the launch of Manuel's second book called 'Bitten by the black snake' in Piccadilly. Suddenly I remembered that I didn't have a nice jumper to change into after work and I had a voucher for a shop close by. I had been looking for a long black one for a while. I walked in and asked where these type of jumpers were. The lady pulled one from a shelf which was exactly what I was looking for. Delighted I saw that it was also on sale. She seemed surprised that this one was on sale when a grey one identical to it was not. I bought it and was delighted.
The reader may be asking why is she writing about something so trivial. I do it to show what happens when there is an inner knowing that a teacher has been found. Ravindra Kumar has written a book called 'Secrets of Shaktipat'. Shaktipat is the secret path for the awakening of Kundalini Shakti in a disciple through the power of the Guru'. When I was in India in 1997 I met a man who I immediately knew was a Guru. When you are in the presence of these people there is a knowing that is without doubt. This man told me looked at me intently and said he had something to give me but it wouldn't be ready until the next day at 2pm. Ever wary of the tendency of some Indian people to dupe westerners and ignoring the strong inner voice which told me to trust him I asked how much it would cost me whatever it was he was going to give me. He said '10 rupees, a donation, I will say you are one of my students'. I agreed to go back the next day.
The next day came and I was far away from where this man lived. My resistance was strong not to return but the deeper part of me kept urging me to 'go get it'. On the way there I felt this urge to buy this man some Indian sweets. I don't know why but I did. When I got there I offered him one which he took graciously and refused anymore. He then handed me what looked like an oblong object which was covered with red cloth on a chain to me and said 'with this your life will improve'. I had no idea what he meant but I thanked him. I then had the most overwhelming urge to take his picture. I asked if he could and he said 'yes'. I took the picture and went on my my way. I saw him a few times after that walking around Varanasi and I was always struck by the grace with which he moved. He would always acknowledge me but no more.
I returned to London in March 1997. It was in 1998 and 1999 that I experiencedthe rises of energy which I have spoken about and which are the reason for this blog. I never connected the possibility that what this man had done had perhaps given me a Shaktipat initiation until I had finished editing the book on Shaktipat which I did for Ravindra Kumar. The moment I had finished this which was 6 years on from my time in India I remembered what he had done and what he had given to me.
The ironical thing was that only up to the week before I had the object on the chain. The chain had long been broken and I was doing a bit of a clean out. I picked it up and thought 'I don't need that' and threw it away. Then a couple of days later the memory of this man and what he had given came back. From that moment all I could think of to do was to return to India to find this man and thank him. Also to give him some money because he hadn't taken anything and what he had given to me was beyond words. But how to find him. All I had was a photo. My determination to return to give thanks was stronger than my fear of not finding him so I booked a 2 week holiday to India in 2004. I arrived in Varanasi and set about looking for this man by showing people his picture.
Many just shook their heads but then one man said 'I know this man'. I said 'will you take me to him'. He agreed and we set off. I had my thank you card with some dollars close to me and suddenly became very nervous. We set off and I soon found myself in familiar streets. We arrived at the street where he lived and while his door was open there was nobody there. Fighting down waves of disappointment I agreed to wait. I think there must be a telegraph wire in India that went out to this man saying that there was a westerner who was there to see him because he returned all out of breath and different to what I remembered him. He was rude and abrupt and suddenly I didn't know just what it was I was doing there. I muttered something about the visit to him and stupidly asked him if he remembered me to which he snapped 'I see lots of tourists'. I decided that I had come here for a purpose and I wasn't going to let his attitude put me off. I continued 'when I saw you, you said that life would improve and you gave me an object which I now understand to be a talisman, you didn't take any money and so I am here to tell you that my life has improved and to thank you and give you this'.
I handed him the card which he pushed angrily into this pocket. He then stood up and said 'I'm glad your life has improved, now go'. Completely bewildered I left. Later in the evening when I thought about it I was surprised that he didn't do the very Indian thing of saying 'tell all your friends and bring them to me'. It was all very strange. To the reader it might seem a crazy thing to have done but I had gone for many years without remembering this event after which my life totally changed. Once I remembered, the pull to return to say thanks was so incredibly strong. The outcome was not what I expected, but then again what did I expect - that he would recognise me as a student. The truth is I don't know.
On the journey from human to spiritual such a lot of trust and faith is needed. There can be no self-defensiveness because being self-defensive closes down energy. I do many things as part of this path which are not understood to many. I do them in response to inner promptings. It seemed important to return to find this man and thank him and this is what I did. Now in 2007 I feel the same way towards Manuel. I have found my teacher and it is important to honour and respect the teacher. It won't be a teaching in the traditional sense because it will be via email but I think you recognise when a person comes along who it is possible to learn from. There is simply a deep certainty.
I went up to the book signing and it was lovely to see everyone again from the course. Manuel spoke about his new book which is taking some Buddhist Sutras and expanding on them from the point of view of consciousness. This seemed to be another sign in that I have studied and practiced Mahayana Buddhism for 9 years and so am familiar with the Sutras. But yesterday before I went to the book signing I was speaking with a friend whose website I have given through this blog. This friend is working on a comprehensive theory of the brain to explain mystical experiences which I am fascinated about. I was talking with him about some of what Manuel was saying about the brain and at one point he said something that added more onto what Manuel had said and then said 'but Manuel probably wouldn't know that because it is very new knowledge'. The minute he said this I felt a deep weariness and had the blinding insight that I don't want any more knowledge I want to be and in that being for others to feel this path. So there's more to know....but how more powerful is a graceful way of being.
At the training Manuel had some diagrams which he had pinned up on a flipboard. I was sorry that I hadn't taken my camera to photograph the diagrams particularly the one with the energy streams because I couldn't remember the direction of flow for one of the streams. To my delight one of the guys who had been on the course came over to me and showed me the pictures of the diagrams. I thought he was just showing them to me. Then he said 'would you like these, I have made a number of copies! I was so amazed and grateful and took a couple of minutes out to connect with the universe which had made this possible. Again on this path you have to be willing to do these things and not care about what people think of you for doing it. I recognised the ultimate source of those pictures, yes the vehicle through which they were delivered is also important but it's not where the power lies. The power lies in going beyond the vehicle to the ultimate source and giving thanks to that.
I said a few words to Manuel and he signed his latest book. I know the power of the man because of how content I am around his energy. A teacher is not someone you have to see every day. If there is no communication between now and when he returns to London in March then that it is the way it is meant. It is enough to know that there is an energetic connection.
I returned home still uncertain. I don't know whether or not I fall somewhere on the 'autistic spectrum'. I suspect I do but there's no proof. I don't have the confidence that a 2 hr interview that would cost me £600 is going to radically change anything. The only thing that is going to change anything is to stop shining the light on me and turn it out onto the outside world. To forget my concerns and really be there for others. This is the real meaning of the spiritual path to forget about yourself in service and contribution to to others. How I react is just how I react what is important is how effective I am in touching, moving and inspiring to do what moves and inspires me and that is for people to take on consciously the journey from human to spiritual........
