To see Auras......focus on space

I woke naturally at 4am this morning and just lay in bed looking out at the trees silhouetted against a dark sky. I lay there totally contented with no thoughts in my mind. I had woken on Sunday morning in a strange mood. I got up and dressed and went to the gym as usual. I knew that the guy from the gym wouldn't be there because I had got a text from him earlier to say this. My own reaction to this was interesting. If we hadn't broken the boundaries of friendship I wouldn't have given it a second thought, because we did, the mind went a bit mental with thoughts like 'he's trying to avoid me', even though I have absolutely no valid reason to think this because I have known that he hasn't been well for a while.

I observed myself thinking these thoughts and then laughed. With that laughter all of the anxiety disappeared. I am convinced that I don't laugh enough either at the way my thoughts can run me unless I am constantly aware and vigilant. Also to laugh at the absurdity of life itself and the thought that I can be in control of anything. I had no control over being born, I will have no control over when or how I die so why do I think that I have control over anything else that happens in life. To pretend to have this control is I think the ultimate absurdity and irony of life. I have found that life is much richer at those times when I give up any illusion of control and just let go and trust in a bigger benevolent picture that will be magical if I get out of the way!

It was such a lovely bright sunny day that I decided to go for a long walk through the park. Walking along I remembered what Manuel had said about seeing Aurus. Leaving aside the impossibility of being able to do this if you have any inner aggression, to see Auras you have to focus on the space around a physical form and not the form itself. The brain is so used to focusing on the physical form. It takes re-training to get it to focus on the space around the form. It is the amygdala in the brain that focuses on the form and it does this to identify whether or not the form is something that is going to help or harm us.

To focus on space requires the activity of the formless part of the brain, this is the Third Eye or an area located in the pre-frontal cortex of the brain. For me to see an Aura around a form, I have to turn my attention to the space around the form and not the form itself. Walking through the park I tried to do this with the bark of a tree. Instead of focusing on the bark itself I softened my eyes and looked at the space around it. What did I see....nada. I accept that this is not going to happen the first time and it's now down to me and my self-discipline to make my brain work in a different way. However there is no guarantee that I will ever see Auras, some do with this training, many never do.

During my walk I received a call from the guy who is leading my seminar. He asked me how I was and I said great, 'I'm walking in the park and the sky is a beautiful mixture of blues and pinks'. He said 'yeah, yeah, I got that the sky is blue and pink, so what are you doing about sharing yourself and the breakthroughs you are having'. I had to laugh, the blue and pink sky was at that moment the most important thing to me and I shared that with him so he might get a sense of the wonder that I had as I looked at and connected with the sky, but it seemed to be lost on him as he reminded me of the 'doing' of life. Left to my own devices I would be in 'being' mode all of the time. I have to be careful though that 'being' is not a strategy for 'lazy'. When is 'being' being and when is it lazy. I look around me and everyone seems to be so busy 'doing'. I 'do' and get things done but never in that kind of stressful frenetic way. I have no stress yet everything seems to work, or if it doesn't it is because I am in some way pretending and not being authentic or straight.

I spoke to my parents last night and I am so immensely grateful that my dad is as good as he is. He's an amazingly strong man and my mum is so generous and giving. I can see the character of my identity of being independent, strong and generous as being very much modelled on them. In this day and age when so many of my friends have lost their parents I am so grateful to the Divine that mine continue to live. This is such a great gift for me.

Monday night is the last night of one of the seminars I am doing. This seminar with the distinction of not making things significant has been life changing. From doing this seminar I have been freed from a destructive habit I have had of turning to food for comfort when stressed. Since the age of 15 I have battled with this and have had many many breakdowns as I tried to overcome it. What I learned from this seminar is that victory comes not in the fighting but in the surrender. Recognising that something is not significant reduces the power it has over you. I surrendered and stopped fighting and in that instant something shifted. From comfort eating which I used to do regularly since I was 15 I haven't done it at all over the last four weeks. I know from the way that energy works that all of that energy that was trapped keeping that destructive and soul destroying habit in place is now free to do other things....So watch this space....... I have also created a context for my life and my vitality and well being that has nothing to do with looking good so that I can persuade and manipulate others into doing what I want which was a very subtle intention that was hidden from my view. I didn't know that this was what I was doing but it was which is why I couldn't have the body I dreamed of, I wanted it for the wrong reasons!

What this seminar has confirmed to me yet again is the age old ancient truth that if you want something for yourself you have to first want it for others. By only wanting something for yourself, or to want something just to look good to others (for our own ego) means that the journey to getting it is always going to be a struggle. There is an inbuilt mechanism which will prevent any power being given to someone unless there is a sincere intention to use it without ego for the benefit of others. This seminar more than any other has shown me this.

While I wanted a body that looked good because I wanted to influence others this was denied to me. It was denied to me by my destructive habit of comfort eating whenever a craving that was bigger than me hit. Once I shifted this context to having the body that will aid in fulfilling on my goal of the transformation of others and of life itself, suddenly this destructive habit has been transformed and is no longer something taking up any of my energy. This is not theory on my part it is my direct experience. To me it proves once again what I have always said, don't want something for yourself, but want it for the benefit it can bring to others.....then there is more chance of you receiving it. To want something for another with a pure heart and sincere intention is to want it for yourself and to have far more chance of getting it.

I had an example of this yesterday. I was walking up the street and there was a guy who was collecting money for children with special needs. I walked past hiim saying 'no sorry' and then a couple of more metres up the street stopped and thought 'you know what I can'. I doubled back to him and put some money in his tin. He was so delighted and his smile and acknowledgement gave me a really great feeling as I continued walking. I went into a number of shops and had a connection with people that I know wouldn't have been there if I hadn't forgot myself and doubled back. Before I did that I was wrapped up in myself and my thoughts, then I got out of it and did something unconditionally. It is the act of unconditionally giving which created the shift for me. By forgetting about myself for that few minutes I benefited myself, such is the paradox of the journey from human to spiritual that I am using this blog to describe...albeit somewhat clumsily at times.....