Meditation.....another form of 'doing'

It's not as early as usual so as a result this blog entry is not going to be as long as usual. Once again my ego personality won out over my soul to a certain extent. I had a call with my seminar group before leaving for work and walking through the park I was reflecting on what makes up our personality. How did we arrive at who we think we are. Who we think we are can be seen like the wave on the ocean. We focus on the form of the wave and think we are that individual and separate and yet what is important is not the wave form but the water of which the wave comprises. When it comes to the human what is important is not the physical form but the essence of consciousness which comprises human. Consciousness just IS, it can't be forced.

Manuel Schoch in his new book 'Bitten by the black snake' says something that I found extremely interesting. He said that the ego can never become enlightened. Enlightenment comes when the ego falls away. So the ego, me and mine can never become enlightened. For many lots of effort is spent in trying to bring enlightenment to the ego, this will never happen because enlightenment is the discovery that the ego is an unreal structure and therefore can never be the route to enlightenment. It is the same with meditation. Using meditation to achieve enlightenment for the ego is doomed to failure. Whenever we sit down to meditate with the thought of desire to gain enlightenment the effort is doomed from the start. Any and all thoughts of desire block enlightenment.

Paradoxically as it may feel the desire for enlightenment blocks its achievement. Meditation which is done to 'get somewhere' will not work. This resonates with me. It gives me a possible explanation for why I find it so difficult to meditate. I think this is because I am always evaluating it in terms of how deep into my consciousness am I going. This constant witnessing and evaluating requires effort and effort and concentration kill the expansion of consciousness necessary for spiritual awakening.

Today at work I had another example of not only how literal I am but also how gullible. I was royally set up by one of the guys and when I realised I just felt such helpless frustration. How is it possible for me to be so literal and so gullible. It is scary and yet it is part of an innocence I have which gives me an openess and receptiveness to spiritual ideas and experience. I have the innocence of a child when it comes to absorbing spiritual insights and experiences. Manuel says something very interesting about innocence and compares it to being humble. He says on page 47 'Innocence is something you cannot be proud of, but you can be proud of humbleness, and once you are proud you cease to be humble'.

From my own experience this is so true, I am not proud of my innocence and child like way. It often leads to me feel frustrated and wish that I was different. However I also recognise that by being like this that there is more chance of me experiencing more because the innocence brings with it a certain level of confusion. It is only in the midst of confusion that growth is possible. There is no growth in safety, security or knowledge. It is reassuring for me to read words that mirror what I have felt for such a long time. Yet it makes work a tense place for me. Instead of me being my usual trusting self I will now communicate with this guy from the position of not believing one word he says. In that way I won't be caught out being gullible. It goes against the grain of my nature to be like this because my natural leaning is to trust and be receptive to what is said to me but this is a way for me to survive. The trouble is that my reactions are so immediate. It will be a good training for me to observe first and then react. This is the whole training - inner observation of outside events to create the space necessary for the expansion of consciousness.

It was the last evening of my one of my seminars last night and I was sad when it was over. I have gained such a lot from this one. It gave me the tools to create a future of possibility that is not solely about me and my concerns. The shift from it being all about me to creating a possibility for my life and well-being that will inspire others enabled the ending of a long destructive habit I have had. Now instead of going to the gym to look good, I am going to go to make a difference to everyone I meet and say hello to. That is the empowering context from which I am going to live my life. This is the life of the human to recognise that nothing works until we shift our fundamental thinking from ourselves to others....then everything works...