Thursday, 26 November 2009

Follow your heart....and your dreams will follow....

The title of this blog post is the business card of a woman who makes her own jwellery out in Ibiza. We got chatting on the platform while waiting for the train. From the moment I saw her I felt a strong connection. She was the same age as me with long striking auburny/chestnut hair. She told me that she had moved to Spain 18 years ago with her husband and two daughters because she wanted her daughters to have a childhood and to have their innocence for as long as possible. Speaking with her I was so inspired with her vision for what she wants to create with her jewelry expecially her move into making spiritual jewelry of the angels. In the past I would have been sceptical of such a move seeing it as a purely commercial and materialistic gesture. But I have shifted so far in the speed at which I form views and opinions that all I want to do now is to listen to people and be connected and related to them, My station stopped arrived and I said goodbye and walking up the stairs to get out I had the warmth that only connection and relatedness without there being anything to get can bring.

Today was such a different day to yesterday. I woke early and felt a deep gratitude for the next 24 hours which are given to me as a gift every day. I had a call with my buddy who told me that he has just lost a very good friend to a heart attack. I know the pain of that having not so long ago lost my good friend Tracey. Instead of giving him platitudes I listened to the contribution this friend had given to my buddy and was struck by the deep love and sadness. I am sure that I have been spoken to with love and compassion but I only feel like I am really hearing and connecting very recently. I finished my call and went to the gym. Once I am exercising I can visibly feel myself relaxing and it appears that I have more space to think. There has been a lot written about the power of exercise for releasing the feel good chemicals called endorphins in the brain and it could be something to do with this but I find that living with a risen spiritual awakening energy that I can feel a build up of pressure that sooner or later I will find myself in the gym. I am particularly lucky in that the gym I joined has a sister gym (the only gym in the area!) so I could transfer my membership quickly and easily. I also like this new gym more. The weights area is not so testosterone filled!

I returned home and as I am away for the whole weekend went to the launderette. This is a completely new experience for me and the first time was a challenge as I tried to work out the machine, settings, money and time. Today when I went in there was a lovely old woman in there who the minute she saw me started to complain about how dirty the machines were. I just listened and allowed her to speak. She was drying some sheets and after a couple of minutes opened her dryer and asked me if I would fold her sheets with her. I was reminded of folding sheets with my mum, holding it out full, then folding it and then folding it again and then walking towards her. There was something hugely comforting in being a contribution and helping the woman to do this. She then started talking to me about how she doesn't see her grand-children and with a glint said 'but I have a will, not very much money, but I would rather give it to charity or friends that are good to me then family who don't appreciate me' and as she spoke her face became sad and bitter. I thought again about the First Noble Truth of the Buddha - that everything is suffering and was reminded anew at the truth of it. Everyone is carrying something, the nature of life is suffering. To accept this is to take the first step to have power over it.

I came home thinking about how productive my day has been up to then. OK I am not working in an official capacity but I have never felt so happy and at peace with myself. The days fly by and I enjoy every moment and that to ne is being in integrity. I know that in time I will make a living by being in 100% integrity which is what my vision is. I am meeting my friend tomorrow to discuss ideas for a couple of e-books which I can do very quickly now that the lid is firmly off my self-expression. I already have a couple of ideas and I have been given the website addresses for people who can make it happen. I have had confirmation that my book is definitely going to be translated into Hindi and Gujerati and so the next book is going to be an e-book which will be more practical. My days are full and I feel vibrant and alive. This to me is living a life that is in integrity.

I am doing a presentation on Saturday and so I did some work on that. Then I went onto Facebook and a couple of weeks ago I read a comment on reality by someone who I think has quite a following. The comment was quite complicated and so I commented breaking it down to be more simple and easily understoood. The result of this was a short conversation on chat on Facebook which I soon gave up on because I couldn't see where he was coming from and it occurred to me as all mind chatter. Using the mind to understand spiritual truths is never going to be effective. It is like the thief turning detective to catch a thief and now everywhere I find it operating I challenge it by writing short and succinct comments. I did this yesterday to a comment he had written on the nature of reality and after reading it felt compelled to write simply that 'reality is a series of moment by moment events whereby we can choose our responses' I wrote some more but it was much simpler than what he had written. The result of this has been two responses from people I didn't know saying that they liked what I had written in response to what I gather is a kind of guru type person. It takes vigilance not to be taken in by long, philosophical words and terms that while sounding good only satisfy the mind. I am trying to shift the consciousness from mind to no-mind... that is where the holy grail of enlightenment is to be found.

It's late now and I have written a lot in this blog post but it is important for the purpose of this blog to be honest about the way the spiritual journey is occuring for me - it is as this blog demonstrates....a mix between the profane, the profound and the ridiculous.....

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