Monday, 9 November 2009

I know people...are still the same but to me now...they are so different...

I cannot believe how different I feel with people now. Gone is the nagging unease and tension that I always had and the need to leave after a certain length of time. I can be with people in a way that I never dreamed was possible. I understand now that what I have had for people is a distinction called 'already always listening' and that is the assertion that all of us listen to people through a filter of our views and opinions. My already always listening for adults were that they were a threat to me. Given that it was this that had priority and dominance over any efforts I made to make a difference it is a miracle that I have managed to achieve as much as I have and to have as many friends as I have. How much communication and connection is possible when I was consumed with protecting myself from a threat that didn't exist. I am so grateful to them for sticking by me when I must have given new meaning to the word frustration.

Life has speeded up enormously since this realization. I placed an ad in a local paper for my unified model of spiritual awakening through the chakras and over the weekend I had seven people call and book a place for Thursday evening. What struck me was that I found it so easy to write the ad, the words just came so freely. Now there is nothing between me and what I am passionate about and want to do as a living. I am so unbelievably grateful for this training I am doing. I know that without the rigour that this leadership breakthrough education, training and coaching provides that I would probably have got into old age wondering about the underlying unease that was always there for me with adults and not understanding why. I was speaking with a friend about how the nature of human being is to make things mean something. She told me that she had discovered something similar to me but many years ago when she went into therapy. She had been hurt by her dad but she had generalised it to all men and surprise surprise found that she wasn't able to have a relationship. I did exactly the same thing except I widened it to all adults which sounded the death knell for me being powerful in the adult world up to now.

The training I am on promises that things that have never moved are now going to move and I can see this so much in action. Just yesterday I received a phone call from the people who run the next stage of the training for becoming a leader especially for young people and teenagers to ask me if I was still committed. I nearly jumped into the phone with the intensity of my response absolutely, more now than ever but this time it comes from a place of authenticity not as a pretence to escape the adult world for a bit longer. I still believe that I can make a difference to children and young people and that is where I want to go. It's going to take something from me though, I am very aware of that.

Things are also moving on the journalism front. I will be writing for Wellbeing magazine on a regular basis and also having the events that are being run by Deep Connection featured in it on a regular basis. I am so excited about all of this. I see now that my reluctance to pitch to editors my ideas in the mind, body, spirit field was down to firstly the unreal threat that I perceived in all people. The freedom I have now is difficult to do justice to. I think the best proof of it would be to speak to the friend that I stayed with for the weekend. She and me are very different and in the past I kept her around because my machinery or identity needed her criticism and impatience to feed the belief that adults were a threat. It was all so different this weekend, we laughed, joked. I had stayed with her before and it never entered my head to make tea for her in the morning. This weekend it felt like the most natural thing in the world to do. She has an beautiful adopted daughter and slept in the room with her to give me her bed. On Saturday morning both of them came into me and we all laughed and joked until 12pm. It was so special and would never ever have happened in the past.

As a result of this experience I am so committed to everyone identifying the machinery that is limiting their experience of life and of what is possible. I still feel that something major is coming in 2012 and interestingly there is a film soon to be released which will really bring it to the forefront of consciousness. I feel so strongly that the shift is going to happen when the machinery of human being is unconcealed. Interestingly I think it's the last book of the bible 'Revelations' and revelation means the exposing of that which was hidden.

The next couple of days I am going to spend preparing my workshop on spiritual awakening. Now it feels right to delve deeply into the chakras even though there is no scientific evidence for their existence. My experiences and how life transforms matches what the psychics have said happens....when chakras open......

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