Last night I opened Deep Connection with my friend Lotus. 13 people came and it was a great evening. Three of the people booked up for my spiritual awakening workshop next Thursday. What was most miraculous for me though was that at 11pm I was still sitting with everyone and I was so relaxed and connected to everyone. In the past the unconscious driver that adults were a threat would have been at fever pitch at about 1opm and without my awareness would have driven me to leave everyone. I see everything so clearly and for me it is like being born again. To have such an ease and love and connection to everyone. Another effect of this is that I wasn't in the least bit self-conscious. Now I see that the self-consciousness was there to protect myself. When there is nothing to protect all that there is authenticity and that was what I was last night completely authentic and in integrity doing what I love and am passionate about.
The evening was an evening about mindfulness and I was struck again by how easy it is to hold an evening when it is based on the teachings of somebody else. My three stage theory of how the consciousness arrives at an enlightened state is mine alone and as I am still unknown in this field I realised that I have to find a way to hang this theory off something that is already established. Walking back home last night I was hit by a way to do this. The two awakening experiences I had involved the freeing of blocked energy from the chakras. I can relate my experiences to these chakras and I can base my spiritual awakening workshops on awakening these chakras and then at the end speak about the three stages the consciousness goes through to become awakened and ultimately enlightened. This has inspired me so much. I know so much about the chakras and with the faith that they do exist in the subtle energy body even though there was been no scientific validation for their existence, the system is well enough known for me to be able to make it my own and provide a powerful chakra meditation for those who come next Thursday evening.
It is going to take a while for me to become established but I know that with my new found ease and comfort around people that I now have, it is going to happen. I've just looked at my emails and found one from the publisher of my book from the India High Commission saying that it will cost 3500 Euros to translate and edit my book into Hindi and that they are going to go ahead once she gives the confirmation. This is quite incredible and yet on another level it's not at all. I can't help feeling that once the book is translated into Hindi that things are going to move very fast for me. I realise now why I didn't make the request to go with my publisher to the High Commission when she met with the head of the cultural division, I didn't want to because of my unconscious fear of adults. When I first got the news that the book was going to be translated I felt a minute of elation which was closely followed by this sense of doom and apprehension which I knew wasn't anything to do with anything I have written being found to be fraudulent or dishonest. I couldn't put my finger on just what the apprehension was, now I know exactly what was there operating beneath my consciousness. What was there for me immediately and although hidden from my view was an unconscious thought of 'oh no, yet more adults to be a threat to me'. I can't bear to think what life would have been like if I hadn't unconcealed this unconscious driver.
I am also very lucky though in that I have been on this path for so long that now when something is about to unconceal itself I have a certain inkling consciously that something is not quite right. I had begun to think that my obsession with making a difference to children and young people and ignore adults was a bit skewed in some way. I was uncomfortable with the stand I was taking for children and young people and I didn't know why. To be free of all of that and to be excited at the thought of going out to all people as a spiritual leader is worth everything to me. There is more to be unconcealed I am aware of that because identity formation is long and deep but as long as I am vigilant and not projecting anything onto others or circumstances but taking it on inside and looking to see what is missing then this journey will continue for me.....but it does get exhausting...
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