Friday blog continued.....

After I finished writing the last blog entry I got myself ready to go out. I have a habit when I go into my bedroom to turn on the radio. I did this and immediately heard some church music and wondered what it was. Then I remembered. Today was the memorial service for Princess Diana whose soul left her body 10 years ago.

I rushed back into the sitting room and turned on the TV. The first reading by Prince William was being given. I sat there with my eyes transfixed to the screen hand full of compassion for the young man who had lost his mother at such a vulnerable age. Then the younger son Harry gave a tribute to his mother that moved me to tears with its sincerity and simplicity. There were lots of well-wishers outside listening to the service. Wherever lots of people are gathered, united in thought and intention and with stillness and silence there is power and connection. It is difficult to understand the reasons why young lives are taken in their prime. But there is something powerful and connecting when people come together united in grief. There really is then only one Soul and I see it very powefully in these times. At these times more than any others the veil of separation is thin.

While I was watching the service my intuition kept reminding me to 'go to the centre'. I wasn't going to. After the service was over I was going to visit my work colleague in hospital. This blog is about honesty (well as honest as I can be, because there are always going to be things and motives hidden from my view). The insistent either loud thought or voice to 'go to the centre' was beginning to irritate and I found myself in a dialogue with it which went something like this:-

'why do I have to go the centre, I've seen the way it is and have cancelled the workshop, what else is left? I got no answer just those insistent three words 'go to the centre'. Exasperated I set off. When I got to the centre the building work was still ongoing. There was a man and a woman standing outside of the building looking up at it. I thought that maybe the woman was Martina the owner. We locked eyes and I said 'Martina' . She said 'no I'm Jane and this is Paul, we are the new owners'. I was totally shocked. They explained that Martina had gone into receivership and had now left the country. They had bought the centre yesterday! I explained about the workshop that I was to have done there tomorrow and how I had cancelled it and explained that I had paid the full amount for hiring the room upfront.

I explained that I had done this in good faith in return for their willingness to help with marketing. They looked sympathetic. Paul said 'how did you pay'. I replied 'cheque'. He said 'if you had paid with a credit card you would have been able to get the money back. I said 'I'll know for next time'. They explained that they were not liable for any debts of the previous owner. I didn't get angry. I acknowledged that it wasn't their problem and wished them every success for the future. They shook my hand and I walked away.

It didn't take long for the mind with its criticising thoughts to start. Thoughts like 'why didn't you ask them for a refund as a gesture of goodwill, you never did any negotiating, nothing to see if you could salvage anything from this shambles'. On and on these thoughts went...harsh, unforgiving, unrelenting. I watched them come and go like a witness which was good for creating space but did nothing to calm the torrent of confusing feelings I had. Was I truly not ready to give this workshop or was the workshop never meant to be?

I went into a shop to buy some chocolates for my colleague in hospital. While I was choosing the chocolates my phone rang. It was Jane the lady I had spoken to a few minutes earlier at the centre. She said 'I've looked through all the bookings that were made for the centre with Martina and yours is not there! I've spoken with Paul and we are both really sorry for the situation which has arisen. We would like you to do your workshop here and as a gesture of goodwill we are willing to offer you the space at a later date in the future for free. When you come into book explain that you have spoken to Jane and Paul and they have agreed this'.

I really didn't know what to say. I was so overcome and deep feelings of gratitude welled up from deep within me. I established that the offer was not time-limited and that there would be help with marketing, accepted the offer, thanked her and said 'goodbye''. Words just don't do justice to how I felt. I paid for my chocolates with such a huge smile on my face that the cashier laughed and I walked out. The first thing I saw was a man selling the Big Issue. This is a magazine which is usually sold by homeless people. I walked up to him gave him some money and said 'here, take this and keep your magazine'. He was delighted and that feeling that comes when you give to others without any thought for yourself is something that money cannot buy.

I recognise the importance of giving back. I had been shown kindness therefore I must willingly and spontaneously give back. This is the spiritual training. It is also the workings of the law of attraction. Give and gain more. Not give TO gain, but give AND gain. Generosity must be given away. It doesn't have to be material generosity. Generosity of spirit is just as important. I remember when my God-mother died. At her funeral (she was catholic) the priest explained how Betty was a person who always left a person feeling happier when she left them than before she spoke to them. This is true generosity of spirit and resonated with me when I heard it. To have the intention to always leave a person happier than they were when you came to speak to them is the ultimate in generosity of spirit. This can be done by a kind word, generous listening, an open heart. Whatever form it takes the person who is on the receiving end will feel it. I am the first to acknowledge that this is not easy. But the important thing is to have the intention and willingness to try.

Now...I really am going to the hospital....