Thursday, 2 August 2007

The revelation.....

Walked to work today because it was such a beautiful day. Dwarfed by the tall majestic trees and the blue sky I felt so contented. Walking along I suddenly remembered the words which a mystic and neuroscientist said to me many years ago when I spoke to him about a powerful experience I had and asked him about the link between the eye and the brain. He fixed me with his bright clear eyes and said 'it has nothing to do with your eyes' but I dismissed this. I felt sure that the fact of my lazy right eye was the cause of my ease of understanding of ancient spiritual truths. I couldn't accept that the gift I had been given didn't have a rationale reason or explanation. Now I was reminded of his words and then I thought about the not normal low heart rate I have and for the first time I allowed myself to consider the possibility that the lack of sight in one eye has nothing to do with either the experiences, insights, or realizations which I have on a daily basis now. All the years I spent looking for a rational explanation to account for what had happened was my comfort blanket but it is also what has been holding me back. It has been holding me back because it is evidence of a lack of trust. The search for an explanation is stopping me from accepting what IS NOW.

Taking this possibility on is not easy. I fear it is the ego once again asserting itself albeit more subtly, in that if the way of being that I am now is solely the result of my years of study, practice, thinking. Of making the idea of enlightenment my first thought in the morning and the last thought at night then this must make me special. This is the most dangerous kind of thinking on the spiritual path. Humility is the one quality which is essential. Always to think, why me, who am I. My search for a rational explanation kept me humble.

I have just finished reading all 822 pages of Daughter of Fire -A diary of spiritual training with a Sufi Master and at the end of it Irwina Tweedie is still filled an unexplainable longing. She found the path when she was 52. In India she found a Sufi Master and endured such suffering that I know I couldn't. Yet what came across to me was just how busy her mind was all the time, with opinions, views and judgements. The purpose of the spiriutal journey is for the little self to go so that the Self can emerge. What is the little self? It is the self of views, opinions, that part of us that gets hurt and takes things personally. The part that sees others as separate as ourselves. That part which desires and which has likes and dislikes. All of this has to go before true Self can emerge. The small self is not who we are it is a way of being that makes up what is human - dissolve this and what emerges is the Self.

I found myself when I was reading some parts wishing that she wouldn't have said something because I could see how it was the mind that was in control. So could her Guru who would respond with irony and sarcasm. The purpose of this is to try to show her the mind. Being a Guru is not easy because of what can be seen as the cruelty of the Guru. It is why Guru's have received not so good press. The Guru aims to break the hold of the mind over the consciousness so the consciousnesss can be set free to expand. This is not easy. Spiritual experiences and insights do not come from the mind they come from outside the mind - from the no-mind. All views, opinions, sense of being right, wrong all come from the mind.

She speaks alot about vibrations taking hold of her body and I too am familiar with these vibrations although thankfully they have not been as strong and/or intense as those which she experienced. What is so important on this path is not to want any of the experiences for oneself but for others. Throughout the book it is the desire for experiences for herself which comes through. While it is possible to achieve this state for oneself, it is a much harder path and the fruits are harder won then if the intention is for any experiences insights to be used to the benefit of others. With this intention the way is not any easier but the symptoms are not so severe. I am so grateful to the Buddhist idea of the Bodhissatva. This is someone who understands suffering and how to relieve it but who vows not to leave the world until everybody else is relieved of their suffering. This ideal resonated to the core of me when I heard it for the first time in 1988. I was gripped by the most intense desire to be this person. I feel sure that it is the emphasis on others which has kept me grounded.

I know that I am not responsible for relieving anybody's suffering and I don't claim to. I have learned and experienced things which give me the faith and confidence that the mystical journey which sages and saints have written about exists. There is a way to live life from an expanded state of consciousness if one cultivates particular qualities. I have no doubt about that.

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