Keeping one's Word to oneself.....

I didn't meditate this morning and in spite of the bright sunny day in London for some reason I felt down. I brought into being my possibiity of fun and freedom which is usually powerful in transforming my mood. But this morning it didn't seem to happen. I sat and thought about what could be going on for me. I realised that while I can be trusted to keep my word with everyone else that I am much more laidback about keeping my Word to myself. I noticed that it is the day after I haven't done something that I said I would do for myself that I'm in a dark place and up to now I haven't known why.

What I realise is that it is just as important to keep your Word to yourself as it is to keep it to others. You know when an insight is real because it resonates. This insight resonated at the deepest level and I immediately felt light and free once again. I knew the exact promise I had made to myself that I didn't keep. I have promised myself that I will learn to cook during this time off work recovering from the operation. I had planned to make a Lentil curry and then between one thing and another it got late, people called me and I never made it. I sold out to myself and that was why I felt like I was in breakdown mode.

So today I made a list of everything I was going to do for me. The universe will always challenge with a temptation to see how committed one is. This is especially so for a new action. I had not seen before the impact on me when I am not true to myself. When I lose my integrity by not doing what I said I would do when I said I would do it. The result of this is that I have integrity and thus power with others and no power with myself. The challenge to this newly found integrity with myself came in the form of a phone call from a work colleague. He called to ask me about my plans for the day. Usually I would be a bit vague and then fit in with a suggestion to do something. As a result whatever I had planned would be shelved. But not this time. This time I was clear that I had things to do this morning that meant I wouldn't be able to meet up for lunch. I felt so powerful saying this and my friend was absolutely fine about it. As a result I noticed that the experience I had shopping which is something I usually dislike intensely was more pleasurable than I thought.

I think it is a throw-back to my days as a Buddhist where I thought everyone was better than me that had me thinking that integrity to and for others is more important than integrity for oneself. I understand now that both are equally important if one is to live a powerful and free life. These insights take some thinking about. They lie deeply burried because of the design of Human which is to survive, not to be powerful and free. It takes something extra to probe into the nature of the design, and in that probing to set the consciousness free from the form.

The rest of today has been spent ticking off the things that I said I would do on my list. And this evening as I write this blog I have a feeling of immense satisfaction. There is nothing left unfinished. Tomorrow I begin again my assisting agreement where once more I will be listening to people and the power they have discovered in themselves by probing into the nature of being human.

From my insight today I would like to add one thing further to what Socrates said when he said 'know thyself'. I would also add 'keep one's word to oneself'. These are the foundations for power.....