Tuesday, 16 October 2007

The warmth of acceptance....

I got up this morning when my mobile alarm went off at 4.30am. There is something about the early morning that is so alive for me. I felt an urge to take A Course of Miracles from my bookshelf and begin again to read it. It is many years since I read it. I didn't have to read much to understand why I was reading it again. I have spoken of the meaning that we as humans give to events that happen to us in our lives. We make everything that happens to us mean something. This is inherent in the design of human. A design that masks our spiritual essence. Human is like a coat that covers the essence of who we are. In the preface to this book it says 'If we are using perception to justify our own mistakes - our anger, our impulses to attack, our lack of love in whatever form it may take - we will see a world of evil, destruction, malice, envy and despair. All this we must learn to forgive, not because we are being 'good' and 'charitable' but because what we are seeing is not true'. This is exactly the same as what I have been writing about, the stories that we make up about the things that happen to us. They are not true. Real forgiveness is giving up the story. Everywhere the message is the same.

I got ready to go to work and drove to work. Next week I will walk. As I have often written about there is something about walking in nature that for me is deeply nurturing and calming. But enlightenment is not about being connected with nature. Enlightenment is the connection of Soul with Soul. When I came home this evening there was a promotional flyer from an Indian man called Sri Kaleshwar. What he said in the flyer resonated with me. He said 'Simply sitting under the tree enjoying the energy, seeing huge lights, feeling your body light as a feather, like a leaf, that's not enlightenment. Enlightenment is when you are helping someone's soul. When you are healing someone's soul it is working 100%, that is enlightenment'. This resonates with me because it accords matches with the joy I feel when someone touches my soul and mine theirs.

I felt this particularly at work today. People who I don't know that well in terms of not having daily conversations came up to me to tell me that it was nice to have me back. I felt the warmth of acceptance and it was lovely. It was soul acceptance and I basked in it. There is nothing like the experience of two souls connecting. It results in deep feelings of contentment. I realised how much I had missed my work colleagues and again how absolutely great they are.

I decided to go out to my toastmaster club last night. I seem to have so much more energy in spite of being up at 4.30am. What is so strange about resistance is that it cannot be dissolved until the mind with its thoughts die down and the reason of the soul takes over. I have written about the fact that there is no communication with one of my brothers. In my discussion with the Landmark communicator I spoke about this and said that I was not going to contact him to resolve the situation. I was told to consider that I might be resigned and cynical about the situation with him. Immediately my mind denied this and I wrote in the blog yesterday about the source of resigned and cynical, a theoretical essay. Last night when the mind with its thoughts was quiet (and thus the resistance) and the soul with its language of intuition became active I had an insight this morning that 'yes I was resigned and cynical with regard to this situation'.

I had a memory of a past experience and as a result I was resigned and cynical. All I had to do was to let go of resigned and cyncial I saw this so clearly and at that point I felt something shift within me. If I give up my resigned and cynical then the outcome will be different. What I see from this is how different an experience is to an insight. When I saw this and substituted resigned and cynical for fun and freedom, a way of being that has been powerful for me throughout the time of my operation I felt the freedom that comes when trapped energy is freed. It is the only way I can describe the shifts that happen in the body when transformation happens in the mind. This to me is what the Course in Miracles means when it talks about miracles. It is the miracle of seeing the familiar in a new and transformed way. Miracles pave the way for Revelation.

I called my mum last night and received the sad news that a cousin of mine who is only young is dying from cancer in hospital. She leaves two young boys. My concern is for what those young boys will decide about the world as a result of this event. The meanings that we give to events in our lives are below the level of consciousness. Yet their power is greater than actions we perform from the level of consciousness. There is a layer of consciousness that contains the decisions we made to events that happened to us when we were younger that we are not aware of and it is these that determine the view we have of the world.

I remember hearing a young person once say that she made losing her grandmother and teacher quite close together mean that life was unfair. From a series of questions that were asked of her she came around to seeing that this is not what this meant at all. I saw this girl completely transform when she realised that what she made these deaths mean was only a story that was not true. What happens when we don't see the story that we made up about events in life is that we live our life from the belief that the story is true. If this young girl had not seen through the story the chances are that she would have lived her life through the filter of 'life is unfair'. Then under the law of energy attraction what she would have drawn to her would be experiences that would confirm her underlying belief. This is why it is so important to be able to recognise and give up disempowering stories.

I went out to my toastmaster club and like work I had such a welcome from people I hadn't seen for a long time. The strong connection I felt proves to me that we are all connected and it is just our limited perception which prevents us from seeing this. What I love about these evenings is the fact that everyone is there with a common purpose. This is to be a more effective speaker in public. After the fear of death speaking in public is the next greatest fear for people. But I believe that the root of this can also be traced back to a story. At some point when we were young we had an experience whereby we might have forgotten our words or managed to embarass ourselves in front of others. The memory of that is what arises when the thought of speaking in public presents itself. I believe this this resistance to public speaking is also inherent in the design of 'human'. Speaking in public is a means of gaining power and being powerful. This is against the human design which is just to exist and survive. So even in public speaking the battle between the personality and the soul is being played out.

I have completed the ten speeches in the first communication manual which means that I am a competent communicator. All of my speeches have been on spiritual themes. My wish is that more of the speeches given at this speaking club would also be on spiriutal themes. I don't do speeches on different forms of finance or other left brain topics that well. I tend to have a very short concentration span when it comes to listening to or evaluating speeches of this nature. All speeches are evaluated in terms of what was done well and what could be improved. When my speechs were evaluated I watched my own bodily reactions carefully. Attachment shows itself in the reactions of the body. I knew that I was sensitive because there is a danger of the ego creeping in and showing itself in such thoughts as 'it's only another spiritual person that can evaluate this properly and that evaluator is quite clearly not spiritual!

It is so important to recognise and nip in the bud thoughts like this. The ego mind is only producing them out of fear. You can always know if you are attached to something because there will be a bodily reaction. I remember once being recommended to show more energy in one of my speeches. At that time I felt that a calm delivery rather than a passionate one would be more authentic. When this recommendation was given I felt a thud in my stomach and recognised from this that I was attached to a way of being when speaking. It was an interesting and valuable experience. All I had to do was to give up this attachment. It wasn't the recommendation itself but what I made it mean, ie. that I wasn't a powerful spiritual speaker. It was the attachment to this way of being that caused me to feel this way. Putting ourselves in situations like this where we can uncover the deeply burried reasons for our behaviour is invaluable. I left last night after agreeing to be an evaluator for a speech next week.

I returned home so happy and thrilled that I had gone against my ego mind that had said 'you've had a hard day at work, don't go to toastmasters'. I pushed against this and went and as a result had a deeply rewarding evening..... At home I had a message from a friend of mine I knew many years ago when I was studing psychology in Galway university. I called him back and was struck at all of the stories he had that were running his life. He reminded me of the way I was many years ago. He was analysing all of the events and what they might mean. The story was quite sad and the kindest thing I could do was to listen to the story and enter into communication like the story was real. There will come a time when I can speak to him about the difference between the events that happen and what we make it mean. I recognised though that at this time his story is taking centre stage and what I could do as a friend was to listen from a place of openess and acceptance. I'm going to bed now tired but with the happiness that comes at the end of a day well spent....

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