The magic of miracles...

The miracle this morning was that I managed to get out of bed when my mobile alarm went at 4.30am. I put on the light and lay there looking out of my window. There wasn't much to see because it was dark so I got up and tidied up my room. I seem to have so much energy in the morning compared to at night. The world is always bright and inviting in the morning but at night it appears grey and somewhat bleaker.

I showered and got ready for my first day back at work after 4 weeks away. I knew that there would be a mountain of emails in my inbox that would make my heart sink when I would look at them. I set off earlier than usual driving to work. I had a great peace and contentment that only grew stronger as I drove around by my usual park. It's not good for me to be driving these days because nature is at its most beautiful at this time of year. I was also a bit nervous as it was my first time driving to work since the crash. Memory is both a strength and a limit. It is a memory of a not so pleasant experience that stops the fun and miracles that are available from life. Think about what a magical place life would be if we didn't have any memory. Everything would be new and fresh every time. Memory makes the world familiar and boring. The tragic thing is that memory is not accurate. It is not our memory but our interpretation of the event which gets stored in the memory and which dominates our willingness to experience the world.

It is how we perceive our world that dictates our memory. Yet perception is not the Truth because it does not remain constant. Anything that is not constant is not Truth. Yet we take what we perceive to be the Truth. But deep within I believe we know that it is not the Truth and this is why when our perception or view of the world is challenged there is a fierce defensiveness. But this defensiveness is futile because the unreal cannot be defended. It is because it is unreal that it cannot be defended. Why is it unreal? Because it is shifting and changing all the time. Perception never stays the same. This is why it is unreal. Truth is real and unchanging. The world of the Soul is based on connection and unity. This is real and unchanging. The world of perception is based on the belief of opposition and division and separate wills. Each separate unit that is then afraid of other believed separate units. This belief in separation and separate wills results in the perception of lack. Because we see separation where there is unity and connection there is the perception that there is not enough to go around. But if we change our mind-set and see unity and connection where once there was separation and division it becomes obvious and evident that there is more than enough to go around. This is because there is only the one Soul which appears divided but has never divided.

I arrived into work and turned on my computer. This is usually a time of held breath while I will everything to work OK. With the computer I definitely see it as a separate entity with its own will. Try as I can I cannot see the unity of working in a computer. To my relief everything started up OK. I settled into the hundreds of emails I had to work through. Soon my work colleagues began to arrive and the welcome they had for me and the concern they showed for my well being and that of my operated foot was moving. I realised how much I had missed the structure that work gives to me. The people I work with are truly great. When I saw how much work they had done for me to make sure that I wasn't completely overwhelmed when I returned I was so aware that I was in the presence of active souls and was so grateful.

Back at my desk that overlooks a panoramic view of London I took some time to connect and give thanks for the opportunity to once more be able to connect and deepen through nature. One of my work colleagues came in and it was a sad moment because she had lost her Dad last week. I was struck by the contrast of life. My dad had also had a stroke and come through it. Her dad didn't. My heart went out to her in compassion and as it did I felt something shift deep within me. Compassion opens the heart, it happens when one forgets oneself and goes fully and wholeheartedly out to another at a time of sadness. When that is genuine shift happens deep within the body. I believe that all expansions of consciousness that herald spiritual awakening manifest at a bodily level.

It was a very busy day and at the end I was tired. I know that this job is not for me long term. I don't get satisfaction from managing the workings of technical committees. It doesn't touch move or inspire me and I can't get away from the nagging feeling that by staying there I am selling out to my soul. I know that this is what is happening when I am as tired as I was finishing work yesterday. Yet the small part of me that is practical knows that I have to stay there for a while longer until I can put something in place that has more integrity with my soul.

I received a phone call from one of the communicators of the seminar session I am attending because once more I missed my usual Monday night. The topic under discussion was the source of resignation and cynicism. Resignation comes from the memory of having tried something before and not succeeded. It is a function of memory. Now I see that it is the impact of letting memory dictate whether or not something is tried again that determines if an outcome is resigned and cynical or powerful and free. If we don't keep trying then there is a danger that we become resigned and cynical about whatever it is that has happened. Resignation and cynicism rob us of our power. So much of our loss of power comes about as a result of the memory of past experiences coming in to influence the present and also the future. The key to not being resigned and cynical is to put the past into the past and without any memory go full whack back into whatever situation or circumstance made us resigned and cynical.

When friends of mine were cynical I used to tease them that a cynic is only a frustrated idealist. I love the company of children and I think a big factor in this love is that when I am around young people I do not become resigned and cynical. I become alive and excited to share their passion and enthusiasm for life. At what stage does the human condition become resigned and cynical. I believe that these qualities are part of the design of 'human'. They are not of the Soul or Spirit but are of 'Human'. They are qualities that trap energy and prevent the emergence of the Soul energy. The design of human is to create resigned and cynical in order to prevent the Soul from emerging and playing a big game out in the world. Resigned and cynical results in a closing off from the world and as a result a closing off from life.

In a lesson to me about how not to be resigned and cynical I called my dad in the nursing home. The nurse was kind and brought the mobile phone in to dad so I could speak to him. He is quite breathless now but in spite of this had energy in his voice when he told me that he had done some physiotherapy and that it was all 'good'. There was no hint of resignation or cynicism. This man who is 85 is completely accepting. Accepting is different to resigned. It's a subtle difference but the difference is there. Energy is trapped with resignation, it's not with acceptance. My spiritual journey these days is lived out through my dad and how he has accepted the loss of independence.

And yet this is only my perception and will change. I was chatting to my sister-in-law and she made a really good point about perception and how varied it is. She said that I am looking at dad through my own perception and that says that he's great to be as accepting. As though for me this involves effort. Whereas my sister-in-law says that to my dad it is just the way that life is for him now and doesn't see it as the tragedy that I do. This was so useful to me and once again brought to mind what the Buddha said when he said 'hold fast to nothing'. This means take nothing of this world to be the Truth, it is all only the function of shifting perception.

So I have my first day at work over and it wasn't too bad at all. Everything flowed but then why should I consider this to be so strange. I believe that when you commit wholeheartedly to following a spiritual path with its three elements. To know yourself and have integrity to yourself and others, to know the Self which is to see unity and connection and have a victory over the perception of separation and Division and then finally to know The ONE from whom everything has come, then life can't do anything else but flow....... This is my experience to date and through the spiritual entries in this blog (not so much the human rants although this is also very much a part of the path) I hope to inspire others and to give them the evidence that taking on the development of a spiritual consciousness is the way to have it all.....